Saturday, October 15, 2011


It seems a constant struggle for me to try to find some sort of a balance in life. If I focus on Bexx Secret Garden too much, I don't have time for anything else.
If I focus too much on my Diva's Dishes and creating recipe's. I don't have time for music or anything else.
If I focus too much on music, well just maybe, I'd create a new song, or improve my guitar playing & musicianship. But what would that get me? Maybe nothing tangible, but a fulfillment of a need that lives deep within my soul. An itch that you can't quite scratch but is always there. A need to sing a need to create music. A need to share my deepest emotions through my song.
Then we have the day to day stuff in life. This week on Monday I cleaned my kitchen all day (and it still is not really clean) oh, and did a bit of gardening since Monday is usually garden day. Then I made the Black Cod & Shrimp and had the guys over to help us eat it all.
Tuesday, I was a bit under the weather so stayed in bed most of the day. I hated it, but it was good. I read a new cookbook I'd just gotten. I watched an amazing documentary on Bill Withers an amazing artist & human (something I plan to write more on later). This helped me to think about my music and just life.
Wednesday, you saw, Girls Day Out, something I rarely do, but need to do more often.
Thursday, bills and things for my son who is Iraq. And...... some singing! I finally just said to myself,  I need a break and I need to get back into the studio and out I went. I was in the studio singing and working on some new songs for about 3-4 hours until Terry came in asking how to make the chicken I'd thawed for dinner.
Saute'd chicken with left over eggplant from wine tasting and accord squash & warm spinach salad. 
 Yesterday morning as soon as I turned on my computer my son was there needing help with something. I kind of lost focus for a bit.  Terry was out all day, so I took the opportunity to get in the studio for the day. That is after vacuuming, cleaning a bit inside & out and doing laundry. I was in there until a bit after 4PM since we had Joakim coming over to look at new camera security system he is going to install for us. Good thing he was coming or I would have been in there several more hours, probably not the best thing for my voice. Though it is so funny, when I don't worry about my voice I can sing for hours. I prepared a fish soup using the recipe I created for the shrimp on Monday. I had some fish from the freezer that needed to be used.
This all leads us to today. We have our NOHO Farmer's Market that I need to go and support. I was thinking of working on a Baby Cakes recipe with some fresh fruit from the market, but Lauren my sweet tooth taster is going out of town now, so not so sure I'm gonna do that. Terry & I set aside today for yard & projects, but not much feeling like it and he has scheduled a meeting with some web people, so who knows. Again, balance! I'm trying not to have people over here working on the weekends. I guess when you work for yourself some things will never change.
I guess what I'm trying to get at with all my rambling is..... what?  Where do we find balance in life? One way I think I'm going to find some right now, is to just let Bexx Secret Garden take on it's own life and grow at it's own speed. I need to relax and let it breath and grow naturally. I've been so obsessed with getting it off the ground I've lost balance in the rest of my life. I really miss my singing and my music. So in all of this I've decided I'm not going to do another event until next month. I think at this point I'm just going to do events that I sing at & see if I can get my balance.
Please let me know if you have any of these struggles by leaving a comment for me. I'd like to know I'm not alone. Any suggestions would be welcomed also.

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