Monday, August 22, 2011

Dilemma, Apprehension, Quandary, On & On

One of the reason's I have not posted much this week is I have been in quite the quandary over the last few weeks. Yesterday I just felt as though things were spinning around me.
I started writing my thoughts on this subject and talking to some of my closest friends about it, a few weeks ago. The topic is weather or not to audition for THE VOICE. Before I even knew what it was I was told I should audition for it. I've also been told I should audition for other shows such as America's Got Talent  etc. People say, look if Susan Boyle can do it you should. My reply to that is always: she was a bit of a freak show and that is why she became such a sensation. I've been doing this too long to believe it was sheer talent.
Anyway, back to THE VOICE auditions, I watched the show last season and I did really like it. So I told myself I was going to just go for it and audition. I downloaded the paperwork and there it sat, while I was in all the madness of launching my BEXX SECRET GARDEN SUPPER CLUB.

After the hooplah of Open House, the clean up, trying to buy the property next door, I sat down and started to look at the paperwork.  As I started to read it, I guess my age and life's realities stepped in. I realized if I did win (yes, I guess I do have a high opinion of my voice) what would that mean for myself and my life with my husband and surrogate husband (Wayne). What the hell would these guys do without me? I imagined them just wondering around bumping into one another. See, if you win, or are in the top so many you go on tour. I think the production company pretty much owns you for a time. That's just the way the biz is. I guess with age, you think about these things. I know most of my life I would have given an arm for this opportunity. But now.... I was not so sure. I am happy with my life and where it is going. I have launched my Supper Club. Having a restaurant that could serve my dishes and I could perform at has always been a dream of mine. So I feel I'm attaining that it some manner, with my Supper Club. If I can sing and have people who want to hear me and appreciate it, what more do I need? I thought. So, I pondered for a few weeks. I talked with close friends about it and pondered more.
I talked to Terry about it. His response was "we'll deal with what comes of it all at the time it happens". This is one reason I love him so much. Honey you're always in my corner and believe in me, thank you.
Others reminded me that singing has always been my true calling and desires. I've come so close many times but just didn't get hold of that brass ring! This is a chance for me to grab it. Other's said just think how you would help others keep hold of their dreams if you win or even get on the show at the age of 52.

Soooo.... I pondered some more. Then I decided to go for it. We are going to be away when the auditions are in Los Angeles, so we now have to put a DVD together of my singing. Now this is where my anxieties come in. They tell you to do up to 2 songs and only 5 minutes. Well some of my best songs are at about 4 minutes. Also, they say if you are auditioning live, it will be a capella, but they don't say it should be on dvd, so again, not sure what to do! How do I pick 5 minutes that represents all that I do? I'm thinking I should do an acoustic, and some sort of upbeat. Just don't know????
If you have any comments please leave for me!!!! I need some thoughts!
PS. The dvd has to be in by Friday! A whole other worry!

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